Earlier this fall What-When, POP (Promise-To-Keep-Our-Promise) candidate woke to the horrifying sight and odor of sizzling snails. She fears one of the them is her beloved Summer the Snail. Earlier she’d found a crushed snail […]
POLITICAL CAMPAIGN TURNS SOUR!
RECAP OF INCIDENTS IN MAYORAL RACE: PERSON UNKNOWN STICKS ALIEN MONSTER LABELS ON YON WONDER’S PRODUCE! Wonder is running on the LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) party. WONDER’S PARTY STATEMENT: My only concern is to keep produce from bruising. […]
ATHOL FALMART HOUSE HAS ITS FIRST BIRTHING!
WASHING MACHINE AND DRYER “BIRTH” INSIDE J. HEIMER-SCHMIDT HOUSE Janice J. and John J Heimer-Schmidt are the lucky owners of the very first “birthing” in a Falmart Select House. By definition a “select” house is built over […]
LIONEL LOOKEEHERE IN ATHOL TO INVESTIGATE TUNNEL IN WHIPSNAP’S CLOSET!
Minutes after arriving from Lafayette, CA, Lookeehere ate a hearty breakfast of oatmeal, one poached egg, one scrambled egg, one donut cube, and a Belgian waffle. A tea blend of boysenberry and Cherymoya (acquired in a […]
2ND COUSIN ONCE REMOVED TO HEAD DRAFT TO ENLIST ATHOL RESIDENTS!
DRAFT A RESULT OF FEARFUL BLACK HOLE VOLUNTEERS RESIGNING! Common denominators that connect Muffin Man and Hugh Bike Man. Both recently disappeared in to The Black Hole. 2ND COUSIN-ONCE- REMOVED’S EXPERIENCE […]
ADDITIONS TO ATHOL OPPOSITIONAL GRAVITY EXHIBIT and MEET MELODY AGOGO!
VISIT OPPOSITIONAL GRAVITY EXHIBIT TO SEE OTHER AMAZING PHOTOGRPAHS! OUR NEW SERIES – INTRODUCING ATHOL RESIDENTS! MELODY AGOGO Agogo organized closets at the age of two. At three she mitered a bed sheet with perfection. […]
NEW EVIDENCE SUGGESTS MUFFIN MAN’S BLACK HOLE TRIP LIST A SET UP!
ATHOL RESIDENT COMES FORTH WITH CRUCIAL INFORMATION! Black Hole Trip List items: All-Weather Coat, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Care Package for Lois Lois, Donut Holes, Pajamas, Slippers. According to NU (Name Undisclosed,) Muffin Man did not wear slippers. […]
LA HOUSE OF SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT RELATIVES DEMANDS APOLOGY FROM PAPER!
A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE ORGANIZATION SAID, “We never used the word ‘Escapes,’” in reference to the headlines on October 6, 2015, ‘CLIENT OF LA HOUSE OF SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT RELATIVES ESCAPES!’ The editor of this paper […]
SPOP (SHORT SPEAKING PARTY) CANDIDATE WILL WATT SAYS: ATHL MST MVE FRWRD!
WILL WATT INTERVIEWED ABOUT BLACK HOLE MISSION Watt, an advocate of Shorking (Short Speaking), pleaded to the masses to Shork ” We r usg mssve amts of energy 2 sve Mffn Mn. Plse Shork! Lss […]
CLIENT OF LA HOUSE OF SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT RELATIVES ESCAPES!
DISTANT COUSIN MISSING! La House of Slightly Difficult Relatives did not have a photo of Distant Cousin. YON WONDER PASSES SECTION ONE OF WRITING TEST! Wonder, running on LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) platform will retake Section […]
DID ELVIRA WHIPSNAP DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES?
TUNNEL DISCOVERY UNLEASHES QUESTIONS ABOUT WHIPSNAP’S DEATH! Ms. Nodoff reveals Whipsnap and Muffin Man’s father, Bran Man, had been in a relationship for many years. Nodoff claimed she had no further information about the liaison. This news opens […]
MYSTERY TUNNEL LEADS TO WEB OF MYSTERY DOORS THROUGHOUT ATHOL!
CAGED AND CATCHEM ARE OVERWORKED! A retired guard, name unknown as of this printing, who trained at Maze University in Lafayette, CA , U.S.A.will arrive in a few days to assist Keith M. Caged and Will Catchem […]
ASKEW CONTINUES SEARCH FOR WRITER OF MUFFIN MAN’S BLACK HOLE TRIP LIST!
ME-JANE NOT HURT IN MAYORAL VOTE BY HER REFUSAL TO TAKE HANDWRITING TEST! In a survey taken yesterday, 3 out of 4 Atholians said they’d vote for Me-Jane, who’s running on the COP (Chocolate-Only-Party) platform, […]
HUGH BIKE MAN DISAPPEARED INTO BLACK HOLE!
WONDER MAKES PEAR, PROSCIUTTO, AND BRIE SALAD FOR HUGH BIKE MAN & VOLUNTEERS! Yon Wonder, running on the LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) party platform, reported that Bike Man entered The Black Hole at midnight in another attempt to […]
CAGED AND CATCHEM QUESTION PERSONS OF INTEREST IN MUFFIN MAN’S DISAPPEARANCE!
PERSON OF INTEREST PIP LONGSOCK INTERROGATED! Will Catchem questioned Longsock about her whereabouts on the evening of August 17, 2015 when Me-Jane’s chocolate supply was compromised. Longsock said, “I told you before, I spent the night […]
TUNNEL IN ELVIRA WHIPSNAP’S CLOSET LEADS TO MUFFIN MAN’S HOME!
MS. NODOFF, WHIPSNAP’S CLOSEST FRIEND, FOUND RUMMAGING THROUGH WHIPSNAP’S CLOTHES! Apparently, Ms. Nodoff, Whipsnap’s closest friend, disregarded “crime scene” tape across Whipsnap’s front door and entered the apartment to try on Whipsnap’s A-shaped purple and green plaid skirt. […]
BUSINESS DEALS IN ATHOL!
LA COFFEE SHOP OFFERING FREE DONUT CUBE TO 1ST CUSTOMER! Gramps #3924, manager of La Coffee Shop, and Yon Wonder, Colorful Food Artist, have joined forces to bring more business to downtown Athol. Wonder denied […]
FUROR IN ATHOL OVER USE OF PHRASE, “UNPLEASANT ENGLISH!”
SONNY CECIL OBJECTS TO USE OF “UNPLEASANT ENGLISH,” A TERM CREATED BY ULRIC UTTER. Yesterday’s newsflash used “Unpleasant English” to describe Me-Jane’s reaction to Gunhilda Slightly Askew’s request to stay off chocolate for 24 hrs. CECIL ACCUSES […]
ATHOL RESIDENTS BRACE FOR HANDWRITING ANALYZES!
SUSPICION HOVERS OVER BLACK HOLE TRIP LIST PRESUMABLY WRITTEN BY MUFFIN MAN. Gramps #3924, Independent candidate for mayor, found innocent! ME-JANE, COP CANDIDATE FOR MAYOR, REFUSES TO TAKE HANDWRITING TEST. “Chocolate makes me shake.” When […]
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 