TEETH MARKS ON CANDY IN J. HEIMER-SCHMIDT HOUSE MATCH THOSE IN THE BITTEN CHOCOLATE IN ME-JANE’S STASH. HAVING ALREADY CONFESSED TO FALSELY ACCUSING SOMEONE OF COMPROMISING HER CHOCOLATE STASH, ME-JANE ADDS TO HER WOES BY […]
Category: YON WONDER
NEWS ROUNDUP BY WILL WATT
CULPRIT FOUND! YON WONDER ROASTED TURKEY FROM ATHOL SAFARI PARK!
VANDALS CAREFULLY REMOVE LABELS FROM PRODUCE AT ATHOL’S BUY-A-LOT-AND-SAVE-A-BIT MART!
ATHOL NOVEMBER DEALS: 30% OFF ON SLIGHTLY MISSHAPED DONUT SQUARES!
LETTUCE CONSULTANT DECLARES CONTENTS OF SNAIL’S STOMACH A CLUE IN DEATH!
ME-JANE CONFESSES! I DID IT! I CANNOT TELL A LIE!
ME-JANE, COP (CHOCOLATE-ONLY-PARTY) MAYORAL CANDIDATE ADMITTED THAT NO ONE BROKE INTO HER HOUSE AND TOOK BITES OUT OF HER STASH! OTHER CANDIDATES WERE ASKED IF THEY THOUGHT ME-JANE SHOULD QUIT THE RACE.
AUTOPSY REVEALS SUMMER THE SNAIL WAS SAUTEED!
DISTRAUGHT ELSIE-WHAT-WHEN WITHDRAWS FROM MAYORAL RACE! What-When, running on the POP (Promise-To-Keep-Our-Promise) Party, intends to spend the rest of her days healing at La Shimy Hime’s School of Love and finding Summer’s killer. NEW MYSTERY: WHO WAS […]
X-RATED BOOK FOUND IN LOIS LOIS’S CARE PACKAGE CONTAINS CODED MESSAGE!
DR. LONG, WORD-MEANING THERAPIST, EXPLAINS THE IMPORTANCE OF THE UNDERLINED WORDS IN X-RATED BOOK: RABBIT, LIKE, YOU, A, RAN, ALSO! POSSIBLE CODE SENTENCE: You also ran, like a rabbit Also, a rabbit ran like you […]
ELSIE-WHAT-WHEN AWAITS RESULTS ON SAUTEED ESCARGOT AUTOPSY!
Earlier this fall What-When, POP (Promise-To-Keep-Our-Promise) candidate woke to the horrifying sight and odor of sizzling snails. She fears one of the them is her beloved Summer the Snail. Earlier she’d found a crushed snail […]
POLITICAL CAMPAIGN TURNS SOUR!
RECAP OF INCIDENTS IN MAYORAL RACE: PERSON UNKNOWN STICKS ALIEN MONSTER LABELS ON YON WONDER’S PRODUCE! Wonder is running on the LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) party. WONDER’S PARTY STATEMENT: My only concern is to keep produce from bruising. […]
SPOP (SHORT SPEAKING PARTY) CANDIDATE WILL WATT SAYS: ATHL MST MVE FRWRD!
WILL WATT INTERVIEWED ABOUT BLACK HOLE MISSION Watt, an advocate of Shorking (Short Speaking), pleaded to the masses to Shork ” We r usg mssve amts of energy 2 sve Mffn Mn. Plse Shork! Lss […]
CLIENT OF LA HOUSE OF SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT RELATIVES ESCAPES!
DISTANT COUSIN MISSING! La House of Slightly Difficult Relatives did not have a photo of Distant Cousin. YON WONDER PASSES SECTION ONE OF WRITING TEST! Wonder, running on LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) platform will retake Section […]
HUGH BIKE MAN DISAPPEARED INTO BLACK HOLE!
WONDER MAKES PEAR, PROSCIUTTO, AND BRIE SALAD FOR HUGH BIKE MAN & VOLUNTEERS! Yon Wonder, running on the LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) party platform, reported that Bike Man entered The Black Hole at midnight in another attempt to […]
BUSINESS DEALS IN ATHOL!
LA COFFEE SHOP OFFERING FREE DONUT CUBE TO 1ST CUSTOMER! Gramps #3924, manager of La Coffee Shop, and Yon Wonder, Colorful Food Artist, have joined forces to bring more business to downtown Athol. Wonder denied […]
VOLUNTEER RETURNS UNSCATHED FROM BLACK HOLE!
His hair swept sideways, his smile lopsided, obvious consequences from gravity pull, Sonny Cecil put aside his wilted raspberry and pear salad dinner provided by Yon Wonder to give an update on operations. Asked about the […]
MUSIC ERUPTS FROM BLACK HOLE!
Palpable disappointment at the failure to extract Muffin Man turned to instant joy when “Are You the Man Your Mother thought You’d Be?” echoed forth from the Black Hole. Yon Wonder, LOP candidate for mayor, shared an arrangement […]
MAYORAL RACE CANDIDATES HOLD ALL-NIGHT VIGIL FOR MUFFIN MAN!
IN SHOW OF CAMARADERIE COP, LOP, FOP, MOP, POP, SLOP, AND SPOP CANDIDATES WILL HOLD MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR MUFFIN MAN. INDEPENDENT CANDIDATE, GRAMPS #3924, WILL JOIN THEM. LOP candidate, Yon Wonder, will provide an […]
CANDIDATES CHANT “BRING BACK MUFFIN MAN, BRING BACK MUFFIN MAN,” INTO THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT!
BESIDES HOSTING AN ALL NIGHT VIGIL, THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE GAVE GENEROUSLY TO THE BLACK HOLE RESCUE MISSION: COP MAYORAL CANDIDATE ME-JANE DONATED A DAY’S SHARE OF CHOCOLATE TO RESCUE EFFORT. “I only hope the volunteers feel […]
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 