VOLUNTEERS NEEDED TO OPERATE VACUUM CLEANERS AND GENERATORS. Hugh Bike Man, inventor of sideways roller skates, believes suction is the answer! In addition to vacuum cleaners, Hugh Bike Man is asking the public’s help in […]
Author: eths
I'm OLD and have OLD skin according to two-year-olds... and others under the age of 85. I love writing and currently am involved with a blog about a fictional town in Northern California. One of the businesses in the town of Athol is La House of Slightly Difficult Relatives. At present I am under their care until they can place me with a family who needs me.
CAN MUFFIN MAN AND LOIS LOIS BE RETRIEVED FROM THE BLACK HOLE?
ATHOL RESIDENT HUGH BIKE MAN MAY HAVE THE SOLUTION. Hugh Bike Man, husband of Ms. Lessparts, running on the FOP (Forgive-Our-Husbands Party) platform and inventor of spongy sidewalks to accommodate pogo stick riders and pole-vaulters, needs […]
“YOU HIT AT THE VERY CORE OF MY BEING!” YON WONDER RESPONDS TO GRAMPS#3924 ACCUSATION
Wonder explained, “My campaign on the LOP platform is completely devoted to providing healthy produce without those ugly sticky labels. At the interview Wonder handed out coupons for a session in his Colorist Food Art class with a […]
“ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS THEMSELVES!” SAYS GRAMPS #3924 ABOUT MAYORAL CANDIDATES
GRAMPS #3924 ANNOUNCED HIS CANDIDACY AS AN INDEPENDENT IN THE ATHOL MAYORAL RACE. Earlier today, Gramps #3924, said, “All these fancy names: COP, DOP, FOP, LOP, MOP, POP, SLOP, promising chocolate, alphabetical businesses, forgiveness, love, […]
MISSING GRATE FROM BLACK HOLE FOUND SEVEN BLOCKS AWAY! MEANWHILE MUFFIN MAN’S DONUT SHOP CLOSES ITS DOOR.
Late yesterday afternoon, Janice J. Heimer-Schmidt found the grate covering the Shimola Ann Bancanfanmannanpanrantanvan Black Hole. Keith M. Caged, East Border Patrol Guard admitted that he had not noticed it missing at the time Muffin Man […]
MESSAGE TO CANDIDATES: EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER AND SPEAK IN LOVING TERMS!
In an interview today, Ulric Utter, running on the SLOP platform, begged candidates to eliminate V (violent) words and S (scary) words from their speeches. “Above all”, he stated, “Speak with kindness to one another.” In […]
COP, DOP, FOP, LOP, MOP, POP, AND SLOP CANDIDATES RUN FOR MAYOR OF ATHOL
Me-Jane is running on COP (Chocolate-Only-Party) ticket. “Chocolate should be available day and night.” Muffin Man is running on DOP (Depends-Upon Party) ticket. “Athol businesses should be alphabetically situated.” Ms. Lessparts is running on FOP […]
MORE VICIOUS ATTACKS ON CANDIDATES: BUTTERED ESCARGOT WAS LEFT OUTSIDE ELSIE-WHAT-WHEN’S HOUSE!
In the midst of Muffin Man’s apparent disappearance into the Black Hole, two mayoral candidates of Athol woke this morning to acts of undeniable viciousness. Elsie-What-When, still grieving over the tragic death of Summer, her pet Snail, […]
LIST TITLED “TRIP INTO BLACK HOLE” FOUND IN DONUT HOLE SHOP
Earlier today Keith M. Caged, East Border Patrol Guard, found a paper in La Donut Hole apparently written my Muffin Man listing, “All-Weather Coat, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Care Package for Lois Lois, Donut Holes, Pajamas, Slippers.” This new […]
CARE PACKAGE FOR LOIS LOIS FOUND IN MUFFIN MAN’S APARTMENT!
A box labeled “Care Package for Lois Lois,” found in Muffin Man’s apartment yesterday evening may be linked to the mysterious disappearance of Muffin Man. According to Keith M. Caged, East Border Patrol Guard and zoologist, Lois Lois […]
ATHOL RESIDENT’S ALL-WEATHER COAT AND TOOTHPASTE FOUND OUTSIDE BLACK HOLE PARK!
Early Tuesday morning, Muffin Man was reported missing when he didn’t come to work a La Donut Hole. A resident, name undisclosed, saw M. Man near the Shimola Ann Bancanfanmannanpanrantanvan Black Hole Park at about 7:45 p.m. Monday evening. An […]
MUFFIN MAN THROWS WILTED LETTUCE DRESSED WITH RASPBERRY VINAIGRETTE AT YON WONDER!
Earlier today at a campaign rally for Yon Wonder, Muffin Man attacked Wonder with three-day old salad greens. Wonder recently changed careers from Fitness Trainer to Colorful Food Artist. Wonder is running on the Loathe-Stickers-On […]
MUFFIN MAN CALLS ARTIST AH AN AMATEUR COLLAGIST! ARTIST AH CALLS MUFFIN MAN A TOADY WADDLER!
No sooner than Artist Ah entered the Mayoral Race on the Most-Certainly party platform (MOP), Muffin Man, running on the Depends-Upon Party (DOP), attacked with vicious slander.
BAN UNPLEASANT WORDS IN ACRONYMS!
Ulric Utter, running on Speak-Lovingly Political Party (SLOP) announced today that if elected Mayor of Athol, he would remove acronyms that contained unloving words. Of the seven acronyms he studied, only three passed the pleasant speaking test:
ALGAE: Always Live Green and Energy Efficiently
ASPOPSER: Assistant Population Sign Maker
BAAA: Become an Animal Advocate
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NEW CLUE IN PRANKS-AGAINST-CANDIDATES CASE
An anonymous letter received by Keith M. Caged, Athol’s East Border Patrol Peace Officer, contained this photograph of a woman’s feet along with a letter stating that said person had been overheard bragging about getting […]
INVENTION TESTER TO RUN ON FORGIVE-OUR-HUSBANDS PARTY TICKET (FOP)
Ms. Lessparts and Huge Bike Man met 46 years ago in kindergarten when Lessparts volunteered to test Bike Man’s roller skates . Lessparts has tested Huge Bike Man’s inventions since the age of six. When […]
MS. NODOFF OFFERS FREE SLEEPWALKING CLASSES FOR MAYORAL RACE CANDIDATES!
“Once the campaign is in full swing, the candidates will need more energy, ” Ms. Nodoff said in a statement early today. ” If you can function completely while sleeping, why not do it?” Ms. Nodoff runs […]
Join in the Fun!
Join in the fun at Meet and Greet Party! Thank you, Dan!
CANDIDATE ACCUSED OF FOCUSING ON PERSONAL NEEDS!
Earlier today, Muffin Man, DOP candidate for mayor, and owner of La Donut Hole, denied that alphabetizing business locations in Athol had anything to do with his new relationship with Mae Pullham, owner of La Dentist. […]
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 