MORE VICIOUS ATTACKS ON CANDIDATES: BUTTERED ESCARGOT WAS LEFT OUTSIDE ELSIE-WHAT-WHEN’S HOUSE!

ESCARGOT OUTSIDE ELSIE-WHAT-WHEN'S HOUSE
COOKED ESCARGOT LEFT OUTSIDE ELSIE WHAT-WHEN’S HOUSE.
ULRIC UTTER'S SOCKS HE RECEIVED FOR CHRISTMAS FROM HIS 3RD COUSIN
ULRIC UTTER’S SOCKS HE RECEIVED FOR CHRISTMAS FROM HIS 3RD COUSIN

In the midst of Muffin Man’s apparent disappearance into the Black Hole, two mayoral candidates of Athol woke this morning to acts of undeniable viciousness.

Elsie-What-When, still grieving over the tragic death of Summer, her pet Snail, found sautéed escargot on her front door stoop, still hot from cooking.  Ulric Utter woke to a blasphemous phone call from an anonymous person who spoke a litany of unpleasant words, including “nasty,” “repulsive, and “loser.” 

What-When is running on the MOP party ticket, and Utter is running on the SLOP party ticket.