MESSAGE TO CANDIDATES: EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER AND SPEAK IN LOVING TERMS!

ULRIC UTTER'S SCARY PUMPKIN
IF ELECTED ULRIC UTTER WILL BAN SCARY PUMPKINS

In an interview today, Ulric Utter, running on the SLOP platform, begged candidates to eliminate V (violent) words and S (scary) words from their speeches.  “Above all”, he stated, “Speak with kindness to one another.”

YON WONDER USED TO USE THESE BAGS
YON WONDER’S GARBAGE BAG.

In response, Yon Wonder, running on the LOP platform described how to prepare raw vegetables for a salad, emphasizing the words “chop,” “slice,” and “peel.”

ME-JANE'S CHOCOLATE
THIS IS CHOCOLATE

Me-Jane, running on the COP platform said, “How can I speak politely to people who want me to share my chocolate?”

BLACK HOLE IRON GRATE COVER
MISSING GRATE COVERING BLACK HOLE

Muffin Man, running on the DOP platform, has not been seen since last sighted near the Black Hole Park.

MOP WITH CURLERS
MOST CURRENT ALIAS PHOTO OF ELSIE WHAT-WHEN

Elsie What-When, running on the POP platform, asked “Is ‘sauté’ a vicious or scary word?”  Recently, What-When found sautéed escargot on her doorstep, shortly after losing her pet snail, Summer.

MS. LESSPARTS - BOOTS GIFT HUSBAND
PROTECTIVE BOOTS, A GIFT FROM MS. LESSPARTS’ HUSBAND, AFTER SHE SLICED OFF A TOE TESTING HIS INVENTION.

Ms. Lessparts, running on the FOP platform, stated, “I always speak lovingly to and of my husband.”

ARTIST AH EATS CORNFLAKES FOR BREAKFAST
ARTIST AH EATS CORNFLAKES FOR BREAKFAST

Artist Ah said, “I have nothing but the highest esteem for the other candidates, even Muffin Man who called me ‘an amateur collagist.'”