TEETH MARKS ON CANDY IN J. HEIMER-SCHMIDT HOUSE MATCH THOSE IN THE BITTEN CHOCOLATE IN ME-JANE’S STASH. HAVING ALREADY CONFESSED TO FALSELY ACCUSING SOMEONE OF COMPROMISING HER CHOCOLATE STASH, ME-JANE ADDS TO HER WOES BY […]
Category: Black Hole Rescue
STOVETOP “BIRTHS” INTO LONGSOCKS CLOTHES CLOSET IN THEIR FALMART HOME!
“CHEETAH ON A SIZZLING METAL COVER” BY GRAMMY #211 TO PREMIERE IN ATHOL!
KLEIN HIME DISCOVERS ANTIDOTE TO UNSHRINK HIS WIFE!
LETTUCE CONSULTANT DECLARES CONTENTS OF SNAIL’S STOMACH A CLUE IN DEATH!
DRAFT BEGINS! ATHOLIANS AGES 10 – 70 MUST VOLUNTEER TO RESCUE MUFFIN MAN FROM BLACK HOLE!
2ND COUSIN ONCE REMOVED OPENS DRAFT CENTER IN LIBRARY. Temporary Hours : Saturday, Oppositional Gravity Center Room, 7 a.m. to 7:45 a.m. Monday – Friday, La House of Hole Detection Room, 7 a.m. to 7:45 a.m. […]
NEW EVIDENCE SUGGESTS MUFFIN MAN’S BLACK HOLE TRIP LIST A SET UP!
ATHOL RESIDENT COMES FORTH WITH CRUCIAL INFORMATION! Black Hole Trip List items: All-Weather Coat, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Care Package for Lois Lois, Donut Holes, Pajamas, Slippers. According to NU (Name Undisclosed,) Muffin Man did not wear slippers. […]
CLIENT OF LA HOUSE OF SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT RELATIVES ESCAPES!
DISTANT COUSIN MISSING! La House of Slightly Difficult Relatives did not have a photo of Distant Cousin. YON WONDER PASSES SECTION ONE OF WRITING TEST! Wonder, running on LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) platform will retake Section […]
BUSINESS DEALS IN ATHOL!
LA COFFEE SHOP OFFERING FREE DONUT CUBE TO 1ST CUSTOMER! Gramps #3924, manager of La Coffee Shop, and Yon Wonder, Colorful Food Artist, have joined forces to bring more business to downtown Athol. Wonder denied […]
ATHOL RESIDENTS BRACE FOR HANDWRITING ANALYZES!
SUSPICION HOVERS OVER BLACK HOLE TRIP LIST PRESUMABLY WRITTEN BY MUFFIN MAN. Gramps #3924, Independent candidate for mayor, found innocent! ME-JANE, COP CANDIDATE FOR MAYOR, REFUSES TO TAKE HANDWRITING TEST. “Chocolate makes me shake.” When […]
VOLUNTEER RETURNS UNSCATHED FROM BLACK HOLE!
His hair swept sideways, his smile lopsided, obvious consequences from gravity pull, Sonny Cecil put aside his wilted raspberry and pear salad dinner provided by Yon Wonder to give an update on operations. Asked about the […]
BLACK HOLE RESCUE CONTINUES AFTER BRIEF RESPITE!
LOOMING QUESTIONS: If Muffin Man did not own brown shoe laces, where did he get them? Now that Clothes That Hug You carries only wedding gowns, Me-Jane’s Hardware Store is the only business in Athol that […]
MUSIC ERUPTS FROM BLACK HOLE!
Palpable disappointment at the failure to extract Muffin Man turned to instant joy when “Are You the Man Your Mother thought You’d Be?” echoed forth from the Black Hole. Yon Wonder, LOP candidate for mayor, shared an arrangement […]
BROWN SHOE LACE VACUUMED FROM BLACK HOLE!
MAE PULLHAM, ATHOL DENTIST AND FRIEND OF MUFFIN MAN, SAID “HE DIDN’T OWN BROWN SHOES.” Ms. Pullham is the niece of Will Pullman, the first dentist to recite Beowulf while extracting a full set of teeth. DID MUFFIN MAN, […]
MAYORAL RACE CANDIDATES HOLD ALL-NIGHT VIGIL FOR MUFFIN MAN!
IN SHOW OF CAMARADERIE COP, LOP, FOP, MOP, POP, SLOP, AND SPOP CANDIDATES WILL HOLD MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR MUFFIN MAN. INDEPENDENT CANDIDATE, GRAMPS #3924, WILL JOIN THEM. LOP candidate, Yon Wonder, will provide an […]
GENERATOR FOR BLACK HOLE RESCUE OF MUFFIN MAN IS UP AND RUNNING!
ATHOLIANS ASKED TO TURN OFF LIGHTS TO SAVE ENERGY FOR RESCUE MISSION. The sabotaged generator has been fixed and tonight, Hugh Bike Man and volunteers will set up camp outside Black Hole. A lottery, […]
HANDWRITING ON “TRIP TO BLACK HOLE” LIST IS NOT MUFFIN MAN’S!
ATHOLIANS ARE ASKING WHY IT TOOK KEITH M. CAGED SO LONG TO DISCOVER THIS LATEST CLUE. Mr. Smith, owner of Insect Rehabilitation Center said, “Keith may be overworked. I know what it’s like to be […]
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 