PIP LONGSOCK WANTED A BLACK STOVETOP BUT GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED THE CHROME ONE! 
There was a slight scratch on the surface which may or may not have happened during the birthing process. The Longsocks decided it will not ruin the decor they desire.
Me-Jane, Falmart Midwife, delivered the stovetop at 4:24 a.m. this morning. The family and stovetop are resting comfortably.
“Birthing” describes the process of items from the demolished FalMart Store erupting into houses built over the destroyed store. Moles from Moletown were responsible for the destruction, however it was not done with malicious intent.
BLACK HOLE RESCUE MISSION UPDATE: MRS. LOIS AND WILL CATCHEM HAVE ACQUIRED ALL ITEMS FOR THEIR TRIP EXCEPT COLORFUL BEADS FOR CRAFTS!
BREAKING NEWS: At the last minute Mrs. Lois decided she will knit instead of bead on The Black Hole Rescue Mission.
BREAKING NEWS: MR. SMITH, CARETAKER AT INSECT REHABILITATION CENTER REPORTS RISE OF 50% DEATHS IN HIS PATIENTS.
Of Mr. Smith’s 28 patients, two mosquitoes, one fly, and one cockroach died this past week.
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THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 