REVERSIA FROM LAFAYETTE, CA, TO OPEN AN R STORE! SHE IS CURRENTLY TAKING CONSIGNMENT ITEMS! A bit of trivia about Ranetta Reversia: Her name used to be Hanetta Heversia, and she owned Hadicchio the Hippo. […]
STOVETOP “BIRTHS” INTO LONGSOCKS CLOTHES CLOSET IN THEIR FALMART HOME!
“CHEETAH ON A SIZZLING METAL COVER” BY GRAMMY #211 TO PREMIERE IN ATHOL!
KLEIN HIME DISCOVERS ANTIDOTE TO UNSHRINK HIS WIFE!
GRAMPS #3924 ADMITS TO SAUTEEING SUMMER THE SNAIL! READ THE WHOLE STORY!
CONSULTANT FINDS RARE BLUE LETTUCE THAT LINKS TO SUMMER THE SNAIL’S DEATH!
ATHOL NOVEMBER BUSINESS DEALS! THREE TEETH PULLED FOR THE PRICE OF TWO!
ATHOL’S SEMI-ANNUAL PET SHOW! AND THE WINNERS ARE ….
LETTUCE CONSULTANT DECLARES CONTENTS OF SNAIL’S STOMACH A CLUE IN DEATH!
VOTE FOR ME-JANE AND GET A FREE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE!
TEETH MARKS ON CANDY IN J. HEIMER-SCHMIDT HOUSE MATCH THOSE IN THE BITTEN CHOCOLATE IN ME-JANE’S STASH. HAVING ALREADY CONFESSED TO FALSELY ACCUSING SOMEONE OF COMPROMISING HER CHOCOLATE STASH, ME-JANE ADDS TO HER WOES BY […]
VOTE FOR GRAMPS #3924 IN MAYORAL RACE AND GET FREE POPCORN FOR A YEAR!
AFTER GUNHILDA SLIGHT ASKEW WAS CAUGHT KISSING LOOKEEHERE, SHE PLEADED FOR MERCY! IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP HER JOB, ASKEW DOUBLES HER HOURS TO TAKE THE CENSUS AND FIND OUT WHO FORGED BLACK HOLE TRIP […]
DRAFT BEGINS! ATHOLIANS AGES 10 – 70 MUST VOLUNTEER TO RESCUE MUFFIN MAN FROM BLACK HOLE!
2ND COUSIN ONCE REMOVED OPENS DRAFT CENTER IN LIBRARY. Temporary Hours : Saturday, Oppositional Gravity Center Room, 7 a.m. to 7:45 a.m. Monday – Friday, La House of Hole Detection Room, 7 a.m. to 7:45 a.m. […]
MWAFUWIDGTDCS AND MWAFUWIGETDECS MAY BE BANNED AS ACRONYMS!
AADTITUOF (ATHOL ACRONYM COMMITTEE TO IMPROVE THE UNDERSTANDING OF ACRONYMS ) HOLDS CLOSED SESSION! MWAFUWIDGTDCS – Mothers Who Are Fed Up With Daughters Getting Their Designer Clothes Stained. MWAFUWIGETDECS – Mothers Who Are Fed Up […]
ME-JANE CONFESSES! I DID IT! I CANNOT TELL A LIE!
ME-JANE, COP (CHOCOLATE-ONLY-PARTY) MAYORAL CANDIDATE ADMITTED THAT NO ONE BROKE INTO HER HOUSE AND TOOK BITES OUT OF HER STASH! OTHER CANDIDATES WERE ASKED IF THEY THOUGHT ME-JANE SHOULD QUIT THE RACE.
TUNNELS DUG BY MOLES SPELL OUT: YOU’RE HOT, MAN!
LIONEL LOOKEEHERE DISCOVERS TUNNEL-MADE SENTENCES! While checking out the tunnel from Elvira Whipsnap’s home, Lookeehere discovered the mole’s message. OFFICIALS OF MOLETOWN CONFIRM DISCOVERY! Grand Chief’s spokesmole, who has been unavailable for comment since the […]
AUTOPSY REVEALS SUMMER THE SNAIL WAS SAUTEED!
DISTRAUGHT ELSIE-WHAT-WHEN WITHDRAWS FROM MAYORAL RACE! What-When, running on the POP (Promise-To-Keep-Our-Promise) Party, intends to spend the rest of her days healing at La Shimy Hime’s School of Love and finding Summer’s killer. NEW MYSTERY: WHO WAS […]
ULRIC UTTER AND KEITH M. CAGED HAVE NASAL CONGESTION!
ULRIC UTTER, SLOP (SPEAK-LOVINGLY-ONLY-PARTY) CANDIDATE RECOVERING SLOWLY FROM ON AND OFF SOBBING! “Repulsive,” “nasty,” and “loser” were the words that sent Ulric Utter into despair. According to Dr. Long, oppressive word therapist, “If Ulric Utter […]
X-RATED BOOK FOUND IN LOIS LOIS’S CARE PACKAGE CONTAINS CODED MESSAGE!
DR. LONG, WORD-MEANING THERAPIST, EXPLAINS THE IMPORTANCE OF THE UNDERLINED WORDS IN X-RATED BOOK: RABBIT, LIKE, YOU, A, RAN, ALSO! POSSIBLE CODE SENTENCE: You also ran, like a rabbit Also, a rabbit ran like you […]
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 