ME-JANE, COP (CHOCOLATE-ONLY-PARTY) MAYORAL CANDIDATE ADMITTED THAT NO ONE BROKE INTO HER HOUSE AND TOOK BITES OUT OF HER STASH! OTHER CANDIDATES WERE ASKED IF THEY THOUGHT ME-JANE SHOULD QUIT THE RACE.
Category: SLOP
THE MOMENT WE’VE WAITED FOR: CANDIDATES STATE PLANS FOR ATHOL!
OUTER SPACE ALIEN HEARD INSIDE TUNNEL IN UNDERGROUND ATHOL!
GRAMPS #3924 ADMITS TO SAUTEEING SUMMER THE SNAIL! READ THE WHOLE STORY!
ULRIC UTTER AND KEITH M. CAGED HAVE NASAL CONGESTION!
ULRIC UTTER, SLOP (SPEAK-LOVINGLY-ONLY-PARTY) CANDIDATE RECOVERING SLOWLY FROM ON AND OFF SOBBING! “Repulsive,” “nasty,” and “loser” were the words that sent Ulric Utter into despair. According to Dr. Long, oppressive word therapist, “If Ulric Utter […]
FUROR IN ATHOL OVER USE OF PHRASE, “UNPLEASANT ENGLISH!”
SONNY CECIL OBJECTS TO USE OF “UNPLEASANT ENGLISH,” A TERM CREATED BY ULRIC UTTER. Yesterday’s newsflash used “Unpleasant English” to describe Me-Jane’s reaction to Gunhilda Slightly Askew’s request to stay off chocolate for 24 hrs. CECIL ACCUSES […]
NOMOFIRCOFO, PEEPS, PIUS, PUEW, PUEW, AND PUIW CAUSE FUROR IN MAYORAL RACE!
WILL WATT, SPOP CANDIDATE, AND ULRIC UTTER, SLOP CANDIDATE, SQUABBLE OVER ACRONyMS. Will Watt says, Acronyms are “… gd exmples of Shork (Short Speak) and Swite (Short Write). Less hot air, less energy. Gd fr envrnment.” IF ELECTED MAYOR, ULRIC […]
SHORKIST WILL WATT, NEW CANDIDATE IN MAYORAL RACE SAYS, “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!”
WILL WATT ENTERS THE RACE ON THE SPOP (SHORT SPEAKING-ONLY PARTY) PLATFORM. HE RIPS OTHER CANDIDATES APART, SAYING, “Cut vowels.” POP CANDIDATE ELSIE WHAT-WHEN DONATES PHOTOS OF SUMMER, HER SNAIL THAT DIED RECENTLY. “I want to bring […]
CANDIDATES CHANT “BRING BACK MUFFIN MAN, BRING BACK MUFFIN MAN,” INTO THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT!
BESIDES HOSTING AN ALL NIGHT VIGIL, THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE GAVE GENEROUSLY TO THE BLACK HOLE RESCUE MISSION: COP MAYORAL CANDIDATE ME-JANE DONATED A DAY’S SHARE OF CHOCOLATE TO RESCUE EFFORT. “I only hope the volunteers feel […]
MESSAGE TO CANDIDATES: EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER AND SPEAK IN LOVING TERMS!
In an interview today, Ulric Utter, running on the SLOP platform, begged candidates to eliminate V (violent) words and S (scary) words from their speeches. “Above all”, he stated, “Speak with kindness to one another.” In […]
COP, DOP, FOP, LOP, MOP, POP, AND SLOP CANDIDATES RUN FOR MAYOR OF ATHOL
Me-Jane is running on COP (Chocolate-Only-Party) ticket. “Chocolate should be available day and night.” Muffin Man is running on DOP (Depends-Upon Party) ticket. “Athol businesses should be alphabetically situated.” Ms. Lessparts is running on FOP […]
MORE VICIOUS ATTACKS ON CANDIDATES: BUTTERED ESCARGOT WAS LEFT OUTSIDE ELSIE-WHAT-WHEN’S HOUSE!
In the midst of Muffin Man’s apparent disappearance into the Black Hole, two mayoral candidates of Athol woke this morning to acts of undeniable viciousness. Elsie-What-When, still grieving over the tragic death of Summer, her pet Snail, […]
BAN UNPLEASANT WORDS IN ACRONYMS!
Ulric Utter, running on Speak-Lovingly Political Party (SLOP) announced today that if elected Mayor of Athol, he would remove acronyms that contained unloving words. Of the seven acronyms he studied, only three passed the pleasant speaking test:
ALGAE: Always Live Green and Energy Efficiently
ASPOPSER: Assistant Population Sign Maker
BAAA: Become an Animal Advocate
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SLOP (SPEAK LOVINGLY POLITICAL PARTY) ENTERS RACE FOR MAYOR!
Earlier today, Ulric Utter announced his candidacy for mayor of Athol and the symbol he’s chosen for the party. Utter is founder and professor at the Anti-V(iolent) and Anti-S(cary) Words Institute. He recently proposed […]
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