TEETH MARKS ON CANDY IN J. HEIMER-SCHMIDT HOUSE MATCH THOSE IN THE BITTEN CHOCOLATE IN ME-JANE’S STASH. HAVING ALREADY CONFESSED TO FALSELY ACCUSING SOMEONE OF COMPROMISING HER CHOCOLATE STASH, ME-JANE ADDS TO HER WOES BY […]
Category: Me-Jane
ATHOL’S ANNUAL JANUARY 3RD PET SHOW!
TOP 2015 ATHOLIAN ACHIEVERS!
SHELVES OF FEMININE PRODUCTS AND CONTRACEPTIVES “BIRTH” INTO FALMART HOME DINING ROOM!
DELAYED AUTOPY REPORT REVEALS WATER SUFFOCATION CAUSED MANFRED MOLE, JR.’S DEATH!
ANOTHER ERUPTION: SOFA “BIRTHS” INTO HILDA UPUP’S FALMART HOME!
ME-JANE AND WILL WATT TO RUN AS CO-MAYORS! THEIR PLAN FOR ATHOL!
CULPRIT FOUND! YON WONDER ROASTED TURKEY FROM ATHOL SAFARI PARK!
NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT CHOCOLATE SYRUP DESTROYS WRINKLES!
OUTER SPACE ALIEN HEARD INSIDE TUNNEL IN UNDERGROUND ATHOL!
STOVETOP “BIRTHS” INTO LONGSOCKS CLOTHES CLOSET IN THEIR FALMART HOME!
KLEIN HIME DISCOVERS ANTIDOTE TO UNSHRINK HIS WIFE!
ME-JANE CONFESSES! I DID IT! I CANNOT TELL A LIE!
ME-JANE, COP (CHOCOLATE-ONLY-PARTY) MAYORAL CANDIDATE ADMITTED THAT NO ONE BROKE INTO HER HOUSE AND TOOK BITES OUT OF HER STASH! OTHER CANDIDATES WERE ASKED IF THEY THOUGHT ME-JANE SHOULD QUIT THE RACE.
ULRIC UTTER AND KEITH M. CAGED HAVE NASAL CONGESTION!
ULRIC UTTER, SLOP (SPEAK-LOVINGLY-ONLY-PARTY) CANDIDATE RECOVERING SLOWLY FROM ON AND OFF SOBBING! “Repulsive,” “nasty,” and “loser” were the words that sent Ulric Utter into despair. According to Dr. Long, oppressive word therapist, “If Ulric Utter […]
POLITICAL CAMPAIGN TURNS SOUR!
RECAP OF INCIDENTS IN MAYORAL RACE: PERSON UNKNOWN STICKS ALIEN MONSTER LABELS ON YON WONDER’S PRODUCE! Wonder is running on the LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) party. WONDER’S PARTY STATEMENT: My only concern is to keep produce from bruising. […]
ATHOL FALMART HOUSE HAS ITS FIRST BIRTHING!
WASHING MACHINE AND DRYER “BIRTH” INSIDE J. HEIMER-SCHMIDT HOUSE Janice J. and John J Heimer-Schmidt are the lucky owners of the very first “birthing” in a Falmart Select House. By definition a “select” house is built over […]
ASKEW CONTINUES SEARCH FOR WRITER OF MUFFIN MAN’S BLACK HOLE TRIP LIST!
ME-JANE NOT HURT IN MAYORAL VOTE BY HER REFUSAL TO TAKE HANDWRITING TEST! In a survey taken yesterday, 3 out of 4 Atholians said they’d vote for Me-Jane, who’s running on the COP (Chocolate-Only-Party) platform, […]
CAGED AND CATCHEM QUESTION PERSONS OF INTEREST IN MUFFIN MAN’S DISAPPEARANCE!
PERSON OF INTEREST PIP LONGSOCK INTERROGATED! Will Catchem questioned Longsock about her whereabouts on the evening of August 17, 2015 when Me-Jane’s chocolate supply was compromised. Longsock said, “I told you before, I spent the night […]
ATHOL RESIDENTS BRACE FOR HANDWRITING ANALYZES!
SUSPICION HOVERS OVER BLACK HOLE TRIP LIST PRESUMABLY WRITTEN BY MUFFIN MAN. Gramps #3924, Independent candidate for mayor, found innocent! ME-JANE, COP CANDIDATE FOR MAYOR, REFUSES TO TAKE HANDWRITING TEST. “Chocolate makes me shake.” When […]
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 