RECAP OF INCIDENTS IN MAYORAL RACE: PERSON UNKNOWN STICKS ALIEN MONSTER LABELS ON YON WONDER’S PRODUCE! Wonder is running on the LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) party. WONDER’S PARTY STATEMENT: My only concern is to keep produce from bruising. […]
BUSINESS DEALS IN ATHOL!
LA COFFEE SHOP OFFERING FREE DONUT CUBE TO 1ST CUSTOMER! Gramps #3924, manager of La Coffee Shop, and Yon Wonder, Colorful Food Artist, have joined forces to bring more business to downtown Athol. Wonder denied […]
BROWN SHOE LACE VACUUMED FROM BLACK HOLE!
MAE PULLHAM, ATHOL DENTIST AND FRIEND OF MUFFIN MAN, SAID “HE DIDN’T OWN BROWN SHOES.” Ms. Pullham is the niece of Will Pullman, the first dentist to recite Beowulf while extracting a full set of teeth. DID MUFFIN MAN, […]
MISSING GRATE FROM BLACK HOLE FOUND SEVEN BLOCKS AWAY! MEANWHILE MUFFIN MAN’S DONUT SHOP CLOSES ITS DOOR.
Late yesterday afternoon, Janice J. Heimer-Schmidt found the grate covering the Shimola Ann Bancanfanmannanpanrantanvan Black Hole. Keith M. Caged, East Border Patrol Guard admitted that he had not noticed it missing at the time Muffin Man […]
MESSAGE TO CANDIDATES: EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER AND SPEAK IN LOVING TERMS!
In an interview today, Ulric Utter, running on the SLOP platform, begged candidates to eliminate V (violent) words and S (scary) words from their speeches. “Above all”, he stated, “Speak with kindness to one another.” In […]
COP, DOP, FOP, LOP, MOP, POP, AND SLOP CANDIDATES RUN FOR MAYOR OF ATHOL
Me-Jane is running on COP (Chocolate-Only-Party) ticket. “Chocolate should be available day and night.” Muffin Man is running on DOP (Depends-Upon Party) ticket. “Athol businesses should be alphabetically situated.” Ms. Lessparts is running on FOP […]
CARE PACKAGE FOR LOIS LOIS FOUND IN MUFFIN MAN’S APARTMENT!
A box labeled “Care Package for Lois Lois,” found in Muffin Man’s apartment yesterday evening may be linked to the mysterious disappearance of Muffin Man. According to Keith M. Caged, East Border Patrol Guard and zoologist, Lois Lois […]
ATHOL RESIDENT’S ALL-WEATHER COAT AND TOOTHPASTE FOUND OUTSIDE BLACK HOLE PARK!
Early Tuesday morning, Muffin Man was reported missing when he didn’t come to work a La Donut Hole. A resident, name undisclosed, saw M. Man near the Shimola Ann Bancanfanmannanpanrantanvan Black Hole Park at about 7:45 p.m. Monday evening. An […]
MUFFIN MAN THROWS WILTED LETTUCE DRESSED WITH RASPBERRY VINAIGRETTE AT YON WONDER!
Earlier today at a campaign rally for Yon Wonder, Muffin Man attacked Wonder with three-day old salad greens. Wonder recently changed careers from Fitness Trainer to Colorful Food Artist. Wonder is running on the Loathe-Stickers-On […]
MUFFIN MAN CALLS ARTIST AH AN AMATEUR COLLAGIST! ARTIST AH CALLS MUFFIN MAN A TOADY WADDLER!
No sooner than Artist Ah entered the Mayoral Race on the Most-Certainly party platform (MOP), Muffin Man, running on the Depends-Upon Party (DOP), attacked with vicious slander.
CANDIDATE ACCUSED OF FOCUSING ON PERSONAL NEEDS!
Earlier today, Muffin Man, DOP candidate for mayor, and owner of La Donut Hole, denied that alphabetizing business locations in Athol had anything to do with his new relationship with Mae Pullham, owner of La Dentist. […]
ATHOL STORES SHOULD BE ALPHABETICALLY SITUATED!
IT WILL ELIMINATE CONFUSION, MUFFIN MAN, DEPENDS-UPON (DOP) POLITICAL PARTY CANDIDATE, STATED EARLIER TODAY. THE COMMUNITY OF ATHOL HAS ONE STREET. IF MUFFIN MAN’S PLAN IS SET IN MOTION, LA ANIMAL AND SALAD CAFE WILL SIT AT […]