2ND COUSIN ONCE REMOVED OPENS DRAFT CENTER IN LIBRARY. Temporary Hours : Saturday, Oppositional Gravity Center Room, 7 a.m. to 7:45 a.m. Monday – Friday, La House of Hole Detection Room, 7 a.m. to 7:45 a.m. […]
Category: Ms. Lessparts
BLACK HOLE CONTINUES TO ERUPT! HUGH BIKE MAN AND LOIS LOIS RETURN!
ATHOL NOVEMBER DEALS: 30% OFF ON SLIGHTLY MISSHAPED DONUT SQUARES!
CLIENT OF LA HOUSE OF SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT RELATIVES ESCAPES!
DISTANT COUSIN MISSING! La House of Slightly Difficult Relatives did not have a photo of Distant Cousin. YON WONDER PASSES SECTION ONE OF WRITING TEST! Wonder, running on LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) platform will retake Section […]
HUGH BIKE MAN DISAPPEARED INTO BLACK HOLE!
WONDER MAKES PEAR, PROSCIUTTO, AND BRIE SALAD FOR HUGH BIKE MAN & VOLUNTEERS! Yon Wonder, running on the LOP (Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Produce) party platform, reported that Bike Man entered The Black Hole at midnight in another attempt to […]
WOMAN WITH POLISHED TOENAILS IDENTIFIED! POWER OUTAGE AT BLACK HOLE CAUSED BY SABOTAGE!
EARLY TODAY, SUSPECT PIP LONGSOCK ADMITTED TO COVETING CHOCOLATE, but denied biting into COP candidate Me-Jane’s stash on the night of August 17, 2015. Asked where she was on the evening of the crime, Ms. Longosck claimed she’d […]
CANDIDATES CHANT “BRING BACK MUFFIN MAN, BRING BACK MUFFIN MAN,” INTO THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT!
BESIDES HOSTING AN ALL NIGHT VIGIL, THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE GAVE GENEROUSLY TO THE BLACK HOLE RESCUE MISSION: COP MAYORAL CANDIDATE ME-JANE DONATED A DAY’S SHARE OF CHOCOLATE TO RESCUE EFFORT. “I only hope the volunteers feel […]
MESSAGE TO CANDIDATES: EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER AND SPEAK IN LOVING TERMS!
In an interview today, Ulric Utter, running on the SLOP platform, begged candidates to eliminate V (violent) words and S (scary) words from their speeches. “Above all”, he stated, “Speak with kindness to one another.” In […]
COP, DOP, FOP, LOP, MOP, POP, AND SLOP CANDIDATES RUN FOR MAYOR OF ATHOL
Me-Jane is running on COP (Chocolate-Only-Party) ticket. “Chocolate should be available day and night.” Muffin Man is running on DOP (Depends-Upon Party) ticket. “Athol businesses should be alphabetically situated.” Ms. Lessparts is running on FOP […]
INVENTION TESTER TO RUN ON FORGIVE-OUR-HUSBANDS PARTY TICKET (FOP)
Ms. Lessparts and Huge Bike Man met 46 years ago in kindergarten when Lessparts volunteered to test Bike Man’s roller skates . Lessparts has tested Huge Bike Man’s inventions since the age of six. When […]
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 