ME-JANE, COP (CHOCOLATE-ONLY-PARTY) MAYORAL CANDIDATE ADMITTED THAT NO ONE BROKE INTO HER HOUSE AND TOOK BITES OUT OF HER STASH! OTHER CANDIDATES WERE ASKED IF THEY THOUGHT ME-JANE SHOULD QUIT THE RACE.
DISTRAUGHT ELSIE-WHAT-WHEN WITHDRAWS FROM MAYORAL RACE! What-When, running on the POP (Promise-To-Keep-Our-Promise) Party, intends to spend the rest of her days healing at La Shimy Hime’s School of Love and finding Summer’s killer. NEW MYSTERY: WHO WAS […]
Earlier this fall What-When, POP (Promise-To-Keep-Our-Promise) candidate woke to the horrifying sight and odor of sizzling snails. She fears one of the them is her beloved Summer the Snail. Earlier she’d found a crushed snail […]
ATHOL RESIDENT COMES FORTH WITH CRUCIAL INFORMATION! Black Hole Trip List items: All-Weather Coat, Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Care Package for Lois Lois, Donut Holes, Pajamas, Slippers. According to NU (Name Undisclosed,) Muffin Man did not wear slippers. […]
His hair swept sideways, his smile lopsided, obvious consequences from gravity pull, Sonny Cecil put aside his wilted raspberry and pear salad dinner provided by Yon Wonder to give an update on operations. Asked about the […]
WILL WATT ENTERS THE RACE ON THE SPOP (SHORT SPEAKING-ONLY PARTY) PLATFORM. HE RIPS OTHER CANDIDATES APART, SAYING, “Cut vowels.” POP CANDIDATE ELSIE WHAT-WHEN DONATES PHOTOS OF SUMMER, HER SNAIL THAT DIED RECENTLY. “I want to bring […]
BESIDES HOSTING AN ALL NIGHT VIGIL, THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE GAVE GENEROUSLY TO THE BLACK HOLE RESCUE MISSION: COP MAYORAL CANDIDATE ME-JANE DONATED A DAY’S SHARE OF CHOCOLATE TO RESCUE EFFORT. “I only hope the volunteers feel […]
In an interview today, Ulric Utter, running on the SLOP platform, begged candidates to eliminate V (violent) words and S (scary) words from their speeches. “Above all”, he stated, “Speak with kindness to one another.” In […]
Me-Jane is running on COP (Chocolate-Only-Party) ticket. “Chocolate should be available day and night.” Muffin Man is running on DOP (Depends-Upon Party) ticket. “Athol businesses should be alphabetically situated.” Ms. Lessparts is running on FOP […]
In the midst of Muffin Man’s apparent disappearance into the Black Hole, two mayoral candidates of Athol woke this morning to acts of undeniable viciousness. Elsie-What-When, still grieving over the tragic death of Summer, her pet Snail, […]
Elsie What-When, POP candidate for mayor, believes that Removing “La” as a prefix to Athol businesses, is more important than situating business alphabetically. “If we want to attract people to Athol, we need to appear sane!” Admittedly What-When flunked French three times.
ELSIE WHAT-WHEN, STILL IN THE THROES OF GRIEF FROM THE DEATH OF SUMMER THE SNAIL, ANNOUNCED HER CANDIDACY IN THE MAYORAL RACE AND STARTED A NEW POLITICAL PARTY IN ATHOL, PROMISE-TO-KEEP-OUR-PROMISE (POP) PARTY.