In an interview today, Ulric Utter, running on the SLOP platform, begged candidates to eliminate V (violent) words and S (scary) words from their speeches. “Above all”, he stated, “Speak with kindness to one another.”
In response, Yon Wonder, running on the LOP platform described how to prepare raw vegetables for a salad, emphasizing the words “chop,” “slice,” and “peel.”
Me-Jane, running on the COP platform said, “How can I speak politely to people who want me to share my chocolate?”
Muffin Man, running on the DOP platform, has not been seen since last sighted near the Black Hole Park.
Elsie What-When, running on the POP platform, asked “Is ‘sauté’ a vicious or scary word?” Recently, What-When found sautéed escargot on her doorstep, shortly after losing her pet snail, Summer.
Ms. Lessparts, running on the FOP platform, stated, “I always speak lovingly to and of my husband.”
Artist Ah said, “I have nothing but the highest esteem for the other candidates, even Muffin Man who called me ‘an amateur collagist.'”
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 