BREAKING NEWS: LIONEL LOOKEEHERE WITHDRAWS FROM SHORK-SPORK INVESTIGATION.  HE ISSUED THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT:

READERS MAY REMEMBER MELODY AGOGO WAS SUSPECTED OF INVOLVEMENT IN THE DEATHS OF HER 1ST AND 2ND HUSBAND. NO CHARGES WERE FILED.

HER 3RD HUSBAND, STILL RECOVERING FROM AN ACCIDENT WHILE JUGGLING WITH CLEAVERS, SAID.

MELODY AGOGO’S 1ST GRADE FRIEND:

MELODY AGOGO’S FIANCE SPOKE CANDIDLY:

BREAKING NEWS:  CHOCOLATE CRUMBS FOUND ON 1868 LULU SPORK OR SHORK LETTER, ARE THREE MONTHS OLD!

CHOCOLATE-ON-OLD-LETTERS SPECIALIST #1:

DELIGHTFUL BROOM, WHO BROUGHT THE LETTER TO ATHOL, REPORTED:

WILL CATCHEM, REPLACEMENT INVESTIGATOR WHO JUST RECOVERED FROM NONSEQUITURITIS, DISCUSSED THE SHORK-SPORK CASE:

ASKED ABOUT THEIR TRIP FROM SPIT, CA, TO DELIVER THE SALIVA SAMPLES, THIS COUPLE WHO WISH TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS, SAID: