No sooner than Artist Ah entered the Mayoral Race on the Most-Certainly party platform (MOP), Muffin Man, running on the Depends-Upon Party (DOP), attacked with vicious slander.
Category: Mayoral Race
BAN UNPLEASANT WORDS IN ACRONYMS!
Ulric Utter, running on Speak-Lovingly Political Party (SLOP) announced today that if elected Mayor of Athol, he would remove acronyms that contained unloving words. Of the seven acronyms he studied, only three passed the pleasant speaking test:
ALGAE: Always Live Green and Energy Efficiently
ASPOPSER: Assistant Population Sign Maker
BAAA: Become an Animal Advocate
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NEW CLUE IN PRANKS-AGAINST-CANDIDATES CASE
An anonymous letter received by Keith M. Caged, Athol’s East Border Patrol Peace Officer, contained this photograph of a woman’s feet along with a letter stating that said person had been overheard bragging about getting […]
INVENTION TESTER TO RUN ON FORGIVE-OUR-HUSBANDS PARTY TICKET (FOP)
Ms. Lessparts and Huge Bike Man met 46 years ago in kindergarten when Lessparts volunteered to test Bike Man’s roller skates . Lessparts has tested Huge Bike Man’s inventions since the age of six. When […]
MS. NODOFF OFFERS FREE SLEEPWALKING CLASSES FOR MAYORAL RACE CANDIDATES!
“Once the campaign is in full swing, the candidates will need more energy, ” Ms. Nodoff said in a statement early today. ” If you can function completely while sleeping, why not do it?” Ms. Nodoff runs […]
CANDIDATE ACCUSED OF FOCUSING ON PERSONAL NEEDS!
Earlier today, Muffin Man, DOP candidate for mayor, and owner of La Donut Hole, denied that alphabetizing business locations in Athol had anything to do with his new relationship with Mae Pullham, owner of La Dentist. […]
ALIEN MONSTER LABELS AND HALF-EATEN CANDIES MYSTIFY ATHOL BORDER PATROL OFFICER!
Vicious pranks on two mayoral candidates occurred late last night. A person or persons unknown broke into the homes of Yon Wonder, LOP candidate for mayor, and Me-Jane, COP candidate for mayor, applying alien monster stickers […]
SYMBOL FOR LOP (LOATHE-STICKERS-ON-FRUIT AND VEGGIES) POLITICAL PARTY
Today, Yon Wonder chose the symbol for LOP party. Wonder just changed his career of Athol fitness trainer to Colorful Food Artist.
SLOP (SPEAK LOVINGLY POLITICAL PARTY) ENTERS RACE FOR MAYOR!
Earlier today, Ulric Utter announced his candidacy for mayor of Athol and the symbol he’s chosen for the party. Utter is founder and professor at the Anti-V(iolent) and Anti-S(cary) Words Institute. He recently proposed […]
LOATHE-STICKY-LABELS-ON-FRUIT-AND-VEGGIES POLITICAL PARTY (LOP)
Yon Wonder, Athol’s fitness trainer, is running for Mayor of Athol on the newly formed Loathe-Sticky-Labels-On-Fruit Party (LOP) ticket. Wonder complains that stickers on produce are impossible to remove gently because he has big hands and […]
ELSIE WHAT-WHEN DENIES RESENTMENT TOWARD FRENCH TEACHER!
Elsie What-When, POP candidate for mayor, believes that Removing “La” as a prefix to Athol businesses, is more important than situating business alphabetically. “If we want to attract people to Athol, we need to appear sane!” Admittedly What-When flunked French three times.
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COP ANNOUNCES POLITICAL PARTY SYMBOL
Me-Jane, COP candidate, choses their party’s new political symbol!
CHOCOLATE-ONLY PARTY (COP) CANDIDATE ENTERS MAYORAL RACE!
Me-Jane, owner of La Hardware Store and Midwife for Fallen Mart Homes, announced her entry into the Athol Mayoral Race. Me-Jane is a staunch supporter of the Chocolate-Only-Politcal Party (COP).
ATHOL STORES SHOULD BE ALPHABETICALLY SITUATED!
IT WILL ELIMINATE CONFUSION, MUFFIN MAN, DEPENDS-UPON (DOP) POLITICAL PARTY CANDIDATE, STATED EARLIER TODAY. THE COMMUNITY OF ATHOL HAS ONE STREET. IF MUFFIN MAN’S PLAN IS SET IN MOTION, LA ANIMAL AND SALAD CAFE WILL SIT AT […]
ELSIE WHAT-WHEN HEADS POP, A NEW POLITICAL PARTY!
ELSIE WHAT-WHEN, STILL IN THE THROES OF GRIEF FROM THE DEATH OF SUMMER THE SNAIL, ANNOUNCED HER CANDIDACY IN THE MAYORAL RACE AND STARTED A NEW POLITICAL PARTY IN ATHOL, PROMISE-TO-KEEP-OUR-PROMISE (POP) PARTY.
MUFFIN MAN ENTERS MAYORAL RACE!
Muffin Man announced his entry into the race to the customer buying donut holes at his shop. Due to his upcoming busy schedule, MM will have to resign as curator of the Oppositional Gravity Exhibit.
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 