AFTER TASTING A PIECE OF A BLUEBERRY MUFFIN THAT LANDED NEAR HIS HOUSE, AUGUST O. CASION SAYS SPACE ALIENS STOLE THE RECIPE FROM HIS GRANDMA. LEAD REPORTER INTERVIEWED ELSIE WHAT-WHEN WHO REACTED STRONGLY TO O. CASION’S STATEMENT:
ELSIE WHAT-WHEN, STILL BEREAVING OVER THE DEATH BY SAUTÉING OF HER PET SNAIL SUMMER, SAID:
ELVIRA WHIPSNAP DIED ON MARCH 21, 2015 AT AGE 99. PREVIOUSLY, DR. LONGS, ATHOL’S PHYSICIAN AND THERAPIST, COMMENTED ON THE LARGE COLLECTION OF SHOELACES FOUND IN WHIPSNAP’S APARTMENT:
“Collecting shoe laces fulfills a deep longing for noodles. There may have been a time in Elvira Whipsnap’s life when she was denied pasta, and she comforted herself by collecting shoelaces. The assortment of colors indicates Ms. Whipsnap was deprived of noodles as a young child.”
MUFFIN MAN, OWNER OF ATHOL DONUT HOLE, WHO LAST YEAR THREW WILTED LETTUCE COATED WITH RASPBERRY VINAIGRETTE DRESSING AT YON WONDER, COMMENTED:
GRAMPS #3924:
ULRIC UTTER’S ASSOCIATE AT THE ANTI-S AND ANTI-V WORDS INSTITUTE:
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 