NONE OF THE FRUIT AND VEGGIES WERE HARMED! YON WONDER, LOP (LOATHE-STICKY-LABELS-ON-PRODUCE PARTY) MAYORAL CANDIDATE SPOKE ABOUT THE CRIME:
ELSIE WHAT-WHEN, UNABLE TO SLEEP SINCE THE DEATH OF HER PET SNAIL, SUMMER, SAW A PERSON RUNNING FROM THE FOOD STORE AROUND 3 A.M
DR. LONG, SNAIL REPLACEMENT THERAPIST: 
KEITH M. CAGED, EAST BORDER PATROL GUARD THINKS AN ARREST MAY BE EMINENT!
WILL WATT EDITORIAL:
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 