MINUTES of Athol Town Council meeting held ON APRIL 9, 2015, at Athol Public Library.
Grammy #211 took minutes.
Meeting started at 3:13 p.m. at Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s home.
GRAMMY #211: I want to remind everyone that minutes of our meetings will be published in The Monthly Athol and accessible to Outsiders.
ALL ATTENDING understood.
MELODY AGOGO offered to lead our first meeting.
ALL ATTENDING agreed.
MELODY AGOGO: I’d like to thank Mrs. Smith for hosting our first meeting.
ALL ATTENDING clapped.
MELODY AGOGO: Next, I move we decide on a format for future meetings.
GRAMMY #211: I move we recite the T.I.S.H. pledge at the beginning of all meetings.
MEMBERS IN UNISON:
We pledge to free speech, live green, fight terrorism, remain autonomous, embrace globalization, defend borders, promote peace, and enforce non-violence.
WILL WATT: Too many words. Needs Sporking.
GRAMMY #211: Explain Sporking for Outsiders.
WILL WATT: Short speaking. I Spork day and night. No Norking.
MRS. SMITH: Explain norking.
WILL WATT: Normal speaking. Norking wastes.
SONNY CECIL: The pledge was written by our founder, Ima Athol. We can’t change it.
MELODY AGOGO: More ideas for a meeting format?
MRS. SMITH: I move that refreshments be provided at each meeting.
GRAMPS #3924: I’ll bring something from my garden, like a Mel Gibson eggplant.
MRS. SMITH: I’ll bring my espresso machine to meetings. My handyman will be happy to carry it.
WILL WATT: Not green. Steam bad.
GRAMMY #211: I’ll bake high fiber bran muffins.
GRAMPS #3924: I know a man who ate wheat even though he was allergic to it. He was a gluten for punishment.
WILL WATT: Ha. Eggplant, espresso, bran muffins. Yum!
MRS. SMITH: I move the host or hostess of each meeting describe how they live green.
MELOGY AGOGO: Excellent idea! Mrs. Smith, how do you and Mr. Smith live Green?
MRS. SMITH: Well, you may have noticed the table that is made from an electric sauté pan and another one that is a recycled microwave.
WILL WATT: Say “Furniture recycled.”
MRS. SMITH: To aid Mr. Smith in ridding his fear of insects we named each room after an insect.
WILL WATT: Not green.
MRS. SMITH: We believe it is. We are honoring an insect when we name a room after it. We are sitting in the Banana Slug room, hence the animated photograph of banana slugs exchanging sperm on the wall. Also, Mr. Smith established an Insect Rehabilitation Center for insects suffering from smog and inhumane practices.
We installed low-flush toilets in five bathrooms. On Tuesdays we don’t use the espresso machine, saving electricity and our planet. Mr. Smith installed solar panels in the garage to power the pulley that lifts and lowers the hard top of his Ferrari platform custom designed convertible.
WILL WATT: Say, “Animal-named rooms, five low-flush toilets, Tuesday no espresso, sun lifts car top up, down.”
SONNY CECIL: I move that Will Watt stop Sporking during meetings.
WILL WATT: I Spork, you Nork.
SONNY CECIL: How do the rest of you feel about this?
MELODY AGOGO: It’s a mistake to make Sporking a precedent.
WILL WATT: Move table discussion.
MRS. SMITH: I move we end our meetings with a different pledge.
GRAMMY #211: Any suggestions?
WILL WATT: Pledge GEFT, support GEEN, HMMS, fight IOTOPTY, uphold UGHS.
GRAMMY #211: I don’t think Outsiders will understand that.
WILL WATT: Read acronyms on website.
SONNY CECIL: I move we table this discussion until next meeting.
WILL WATT: Table discussion.
SONNY CECIL: I move we pick codenames at the next meeting.
MRS. SMITH: Exciting! Shall we pick a theme?
WILL WATT: Next meeting.
GRAMMY #211: I move we end the meeting.
GRAMPS #3924: Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.