MR. WHOOEY HOSTS PARTY FOR ATHOLIANS! Mr. Whooey, who entered the mayoral race late this year, spoke of family values and how he has learned the importance of family from his multiple marriages. 
MR. WHOOEY’S PROPOSED RESIDENCY TEST TO ENTER ATHOL IN THE TERRITORY OF T.I.S.H.:
Repeat the English alphabet backwards in five seconds.
Sing the T.I.S.H. territory song, Green, substituting the word “Whooey” for the word “green.”
(ORIGINAL SONG TITLED GREEN
Green, Serene, Tureen, Obscene
Latrine, Baleen, Green, Dream
Cream, Gleam, Green, Tangerine
Etheljean, Polyethelyene, Green, Caffeine.)
Recite the T.I.S.H. Pledge inserting, “Long live Mayor Whooey!” at the end.
(THE ORIGINAL T.I.S.H. PLEDGE:
LIVE GREEN, FIGHT ALIENS, REMAIN AUTONOMOUS, EMBRACE GLOBALIZATION, DEFEND BORDERS, PROMOTE PEACE, ENFORCE NON-VIOLENCE!)
Name five tropical animals whose names start with “W.”
ASKED IF THIS WAS IN CONFLICT WITH HIS OWN CAMPAIGN, WONDER EXPLAINED:
MR. JONES-SMITH AND MRS. SMITH-JONES PROVIDED BEVERAGES. ASKED IF THIS SWAYED THEIR VOTE, THEY EXPLAINED:
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 