WILL WATT ROUNDUP OF APRIL 27TH, 2016 EDITION:
RECENTLY A 4-QUART POT HIT NOD PMURT ON THE HEAD, AND BLUEBERRY MUFFINS AND A MUFFIN TIN LANDED IN ATHOL. LEAD REPORTER INTERVIEWED A RENOWN SPACE ANALYST ABOUT THESE PHENOMENA:
HINTS ON HOW TO BE PREPARED FOR A SPACE ALIEN FOOD PROCESSOR HITTING YOU:
DESIGNER OF PROTECTIVE CLOTHES TO WEAR IN THE EVENT OF AN ONSLAUGHT OF KITCHEN TOOLS, COMMENTS:
MAE PULLHAL, ATHOL DENTIST ADVISES:
IN REACTION TO YESTERDAY’S NEWS, ATHOLIANS HAVE BEEN JAMMING THE EDITOR’S PHONE TO FIND OUT IF IT IS TRUE 3RD COUSIN THRICE REMOVED READ X-RATED BOOKS:
THE MANAGER OF HOUSE OF SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT RELATIVES REPORTED:
IN ANOTHER REACTION, COMMENTING ON DR. LONG’S OPINION ON AUGUST O. CASION’S REAL GRANDMA ELVIRA WHIPSNAP’S COLLECTION OF SHOELACES, ISSUE THERAPIST SAID:
THE DAILY ATHOLIAN: 